Ruby's Rompin Room~the FunZone

Stuff a SAM might say or do.
This is a joke, and I didn't write em, ok? Submissives~DO NOT try these.
(roarin laughin)

1. Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.

2. If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your Top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.

3. Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass. Then draw a red circle around it. Finish up by putting a slash through the circle. (the international no-spanking zone sign)

4. In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.

5. During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.

6. Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered (like in figure skating or diving)

7. If your Top tells you to 'Look me in the eyes', do it cross-eyed.

8. If your Top decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'

9. Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.

10. When getting flogged, start singing 'This is the song that never ends...'

11. Learn a language your Top doesn't know and then speak only in that language when you are together.

12. Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly. It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your Top's face the next time he/she goes to pull your hair.

13. When your Top orders foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.

14. If you take a message for your Top, write it on a post-it and stick it to your ass.

15. Tell your Top a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment.

16. Only speak in movie quotes.

17. Send your Top an invoice for your services.

18. After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your Top checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell 'Gotcha!'

19. Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.

20. Ignore your Top until he/she utters the magic word.

21. Starch the floggers.

22. Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)

23. While cleanin the kitchen, tell some of the plates they were SAMs today and refuse to wash them until they can behave better.

24. Move Master's personal effects around. Start subtly, gradually work up to the furniture. If he/she notices, act like nothing was every moved.

25. Draw a tiny spot on his/her chest with a permanent marker. Make it bigger every night while he/she sleeps.

26. When your Top comes home, pretend that you are on the phone, talk in a sultry, sexy voice. After you hang up, say it was his/her mom and she didn't leave any messages.

27. Whenever your Top uses the bathroom, take notes. If they protest, mutter about Dominants hiding their trade secrets.

29. Hide your Top's favorite toys. When he/she asks where it is, say you've traded them for a bag of jelly beans.

30. Bury the toys in shallow graves in the backyard. Blame it on the dog.

31. Take out restraining orders on the toys you don't like.

32. Whenever you are dismissed, nod and say, "Then if it is OK with you and Major Healy, I will return to my bottle now, Master."