Ruby's Rompin Room~the FunZone

Top Ten Ways You Know You Might Be Too Old For BDSM:

1. Sensory deprivation is when your Dominant hides your hearing aid batteries.
2. Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
3. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.
4. When you tell your submissive to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".
5. You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots.
6. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.
7. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.
8. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift bra.
9. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me.... back into the paddle....HARD!"
AND the number one way to know you may be too old for BD/SM:
10. Age play really is 24/7.

Submissives, NEVER say these to your Dominant.
It might could get messy. (winks)

1.    Doesn't my opinion count for anything?
2.    But what if I don't want to?
3.    That's gonna hurt, isn't it.
4.    When do I get a day off?
5.    You don't expect me to clean that up do you?
6.    Is it ok if I invite my family over for Thanksgiving?
7.    Has anyone told you that I can be a Bitch sometimes?
8.    Oh, I shouldn't have said that should I have?
9.    But I can't wear a gag, how am I supposed to answer the phone?
10.    Naked? Do you realize how cold it is out there?
11.    You want to pierce my WHAT?!?!?
12.    I'm glad this isn't a real job, because the pay sucks.
13.    Not tonight dear I have a headache. (Ow!..Ow!) Never mind I was just kidding.
14.    You can go from 0 to Bitch in 2.6 seconds.
15.    You want it when?
16.    Do you mind if I finish my cigarette first?
17.    But I put it on my to do list.
18.    But that is just gross.
19.    You wouldn't look so mean if you would smile on occasion.
20.    Do you mind, I haven't had my coffee yet?
21.    It honestly takes me two hours to wake up in the morning.
22.    Clean out the litter box? But it's your stupid cat.
23.    But my nails aren't dry yet.
24.    I didn't say I deserved I said I wanted it.
25.    Who died and made you Master.
26.    Sure I COULD cook but going out for dinner would be so much faster.
27.    You know I noticed that some of the other Master's have bigger whips than you do.
28.    But of course you want me in designer closes, remember I represent you.
29.    Honest, decaf IS a hard limit.
30.    But it's icky.
31.    If I wanted to eat healthy, I would be following my doctors orders. Ah, never mind.
32.    But you could do it so much better and faster than me.
33.    If your going to criticize how I do it, why don't you just do it yourself?
34.    Sure I could do it your way, but my way is so much easier.
35.    Have I ever told you that you're the reason God made Prozac?
36.    Sure your opinions count, but you know what they say about opinions.
37.    But I don't want to make a decision; that's why you're the Master, remember.
38.    But why can't I choose both, it would make things so much easier.
39.    But that is not how they do it on the Internet.
40.    You are definitely not Martha Stewart.

Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Master/Mistress

10: How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?

09: Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!

08: Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?

07: God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!

06: And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?

05: Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?

04: Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!

03: Who died and left you in charge?

02: Do your own damn laundry!

and the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master...

01: What do I look like, your maid?